You're Stronger Than What's Holding You Back

     That, that right there is how my Wednesday went. I got out of bed because I felt like I had too. That it was frowned upon to stay curled up in my cocoon and wait for a better day where I wake up feeling wanted and needed. But today was not that day. Today was a drag yourself out of bed day and hope for the best. I forced myself to shower, and get dressed. I set a small list of goals: laundry, moving the tubs in the living room to my garage, and starting the dishwasher. I can accomplish this right? Hahahahahaha that's funny.

 I started with the laundry. I got everything separated out into colors and what not and I started. Load by load. I felt overwhelmed. I haven't done laundry in quite a while so I had a lot to catch up on. I don't understand how I got over 8 hours of sleep last night and still have no energy for doing anything. Every step is like a brick weighing me down. Going up and down the stairs taking boxes to my garage was like climbing Mount Everest. I'm a generally healthy person but it took effort and energy that I just didn't have. I basically forced myself to walk to the mailbox. I was a little angry when I found it empty. I felt like I had walked all this way for nothing, what a waste of 10 minutes. 

     Then I went back to the laundry. Changed the loads and tried to muster up the energy to clean my room, or at least pick it up a bit. That's when it all came crashing in. Trying to make my bed it just hit me. I just started crying and couldn't stop. I fell to the floor and just laid there. Not wanting to do anything other than sit there and cry.                I picked myself off the floor when the drier finally buzzed. I got up and started another load because I had a goal and knew that if I felt this worthless right now, how I would feel if I gave up on the one thing I wanted to accomplish today. In the middle of folding laundry I got a call from my current therapist that she was going out of my insurance network. All of the referrals she gave me were also out of network. So there I sat, on the floor again trying to navigate my way through the insurance world to find a counselor that would take my insurance. I still haven't found one.

      I have given up on that search for now and will hopefully start again tomorrow. I'm extremely nervous that I will have to go without counseling for a few weeks which is one thing I look forward to because I know it will keep me going.
     Good news though, I finished the laundry. It's all folded and ready to be put away. That's my goal for tomorrow when I get home from work is to put all my laundry away. Tonight is work. I can do work, being an EMT and this job is actually something I look forward to. It's actually something I put under the "worth it" column.
     So friends, I want to encourage you to try to accomplish something today. Whether it's something big or something small try to finish it. You are stronger than what's holding you back I guarantee it.

With Love,
Elizabeth <3