This Is Real Life

   

     I got off of work at 6 am which means I was home by 6:30 this morning. Wearing my boyfriend's gym shorts and my work polo I stumbled out of my car trying to get the energy to walk up the stairs. Only after being called a hooker did I find that energy, but that's a story for a different day. We had a busy night at work last night and I only managed to find about an hour of sleep in between calls. Which is fine. I love my job, and if I lose a little sleep it's not the end of the world. I had nothing planned for the day today besides doing around the house things so I wasn't worried. 

     I got home to find all the laundry I did yesterday folded on my bed. I struggled to put it away so I could crawl into bed and go back to sleep. I finally did it, turning off the TV and closing my curtains I finally crawled into my happy place. I was able to get about an hour of sleep... and then life decided to throw me a curve ball, because why the hell not?                                                                                                           Sitting in bed my heart rate began to climb way higher than it should. It started climbing slowly. At first it was slightly elevated at 120 resting, no big deal. I took a few deep breaths and figured it would pass. It didn't. A few minutes later,

after doing nothing but laying in bed, it rose to 140, and then a little more to 160. I was getting really short of breath. Just sitting up was more of a struggle than it should have been. That's when I decided to take myself in.                              Upon ER intake my heart was in what they call "SVT" which is a fancy term for an insanely fast heart rate and also rather dangerous if left untreated. My heart rate had climbed to 186 resting, my breathing rate was on the higher end of the normal range and my blood pressure was through the roof. These things aren't normal for a 20 year old. Then again when have I ever been normal?
      I was marked as an urgent intake which means there were 6-7 nurses waiting for me when I was wheeled back. They took an EKG and labs, a chest Xray, and a urine sample all within 5 minutes of me shakily walking through the door. And then they left, and the quiet started in. I came prepared with a blanket from home and my tablet to watch Netflix on and started the waiting game.
     The nurse and doc came in about 30 minutes later to tell me that my potassium was indeed low. 2.7. This isn't the lowest that it's been but because my symptoms were so bad we decided to both IV and oral potassium. This IV potassium is about an hour and a half long process. So I settled in again for some Netflix and maybe get some sleep. But unfortunately that didn't happen.
     I wasn't able to eat anything before going in so my body was being pumped full of potassium on an empty stomach. Which doesn't go well for me usually and today was no different. The cramping and nausea began around 2:45ish and it was like hell on Earth.

     I was determined to power through the nausea. To keep the potassium IV running because I knew ultimately that's what was going to make me feel better, that was what was going to calm my heart, and the tremors, and the headache, and muscle spasms down. So for the next 90 minutes I sat up in the ER bed getting sick. Coughing up everything I had in my stomach, which was very little. It was miserable. If at any point someone says to me that I'm doing this just for attention needs to look me in the eyes at my worst moments and then go for a long hike off of a short bridge. (But I digress) 

     3 pm rolled around and the lab came back in to draw a second round of blood. I was told that if I had come up into the 3's that doc would let me go home. 45 minutes later the results came back. I was free to go! I still had muscle cramps and extreme nausea but it was no longer life threatening. And I can manage non life threatening at home. 

     So here I am laying in bed with all the lights off, with the only noise being the fan by my bed. I'm laying here feeling half dead. I tried eating something on the way home but it all came back up a little bit later. I'm still awfully dizzy and shaky so I look like an old lady carefully walking to the bathroom from my bed. I'm extremely nervous to walk anywhere in my apartment without my phone on the off chance I fall and am unable to get up and need to call someone. I fear that my potassium will drop again even lower than earlier and paralysis will set in. Because that would be rough. I don't know if I can do an overnight hospital stay right now.                                                                                                                         But friends, this is real life. This is what an invisible illness looks like on it's less invisible days. I try to everything I can to manage it and keep it at bay, but there's still rough days like this. There are still going to be days where everything I have just isn't enough. And I have to be okay with that. I have to take it one step at a time, not even one day at a time, just one step. I'm sure I'll be back to my normal self tomorrow but if I'm not I'll adjust. Because that's part of real life. 

With Love, 

Elizabeth