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This is what conversion disorder looks like. It creeps up on you when you least expect it. For me, last night it started while I was being productive. While I was getting things done and up and about. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Like being ran over by a truck and then that same truck backs over you again and again. I had to sit down because I was nauseous and the world was spinning. I had to rush to the bathroom because I had to get sick. Laying on the bathroom tile was my only option for a while... And then the chills set in. I couldn't get warm. I had my bed heater turned on in pajama pants and a sweatshirt and I still couldn't get warm. That's when I decided to check my temperature. 102*. Do you know how sucky it is to go from productive and standing to dead and unable to move because everything hurts so much? I took off my layers and sprawled out on the couch. A heating pad on my stomach to help with the nausea and cramping, and an ice pack on my forehead and back of the neck for the fever. I was officially down for the count. What's even more sucky is I can't take anything for the fever because everything I would normally take lowers potassium. So I can only take those things in extreme emergencies, which unfortunately was not last night. I settled in on the couch for some Gilmore Girls watching. After about an hour I decided to check my temperature again... 103.2*. That's the highest it's ever been. One more ice pack for my lower back.
I was cringing in pain from the stomach cramping, Trying to hold the floor in one place because it was spinning so much. And no, I was not drunk. I hadn't even been drinking. And so the story goes. For four more hours at least. Half running to the bathroom to get sick and then crawling back to my place on the couch. Over and over again. Normally if I just lay still everything goes away, if I sleep a little bit my brain resets itself. Not last night.
I finally decided to take a xanex. You know the medication that calms down the brain. I took .5mg and crawled back to my spot on the couch. It must have worked. See, conversion disorder is when my brain gets so stressed and worked up that it doesn't know how to handle itself so it just gives up and my psychological stress becomes a physical reaction. The chill pill must've worked like it's supposed to. Because a little less than an hour later I finally passed out asleep. The magic of sleep.
I woke up around 4 in the morning to a random thunderstorm. I checked my temp again and it had broken and come back down to 99*. I can live with 99 degrees. I got a cool towel to put back on the back of my neck and crawled into bed. My delightful spot in bed.
And that's how my life works. I can taken out by this weird medical anomaly for a few hours and I back to normal the next morning. I have a lingering headache but I think that's just because in the midst of being half dead I didn't eat anything. But I am still alive. This my friends is life. I made it through last night you can make it through today.
With Love,
Elizabeth
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