HOW to Best Help Me In An Emergency Situation

     Everybody lately has been asking me how. How can I best help you. Right now what can help you? With life right now this second how can I help you. The truth is guys when you ask me that... I don't know how. How is such a big word for me that the way I use it in my head I have talked myself right to unconsciousness twice... today alone. Who knows how many times my words in my head have affected this before. But what I have figured out is how you can best help me in the future. When something emergent medically in my life happens I now know what you can do to help me medically! Here's how.
My Thoughts And Anxiety Affects My Health Directly 
I don't know  how everybody else's mind affects them when they're sick. But I'm sick so often my brain is OK with it that I talk to myself the whole time. That to everyone else when I'm in the hospital it doesn't matter what I'm going through but I am the happiest pers

on there. So much so that when I'm hooked up to a breathing machine that is breathing for me so much that I'm happy. And I can't explain that feeling to someone unless you've ever had it happen to you. And I'm okay with that.
When I am Unconscious I Can Hear EVERYTHING you say 
I don't know if you know this if it does 100% so please act like it does. When I am passed out on the side walk so much so that they called a full code on me they started CPR on me I could FEEL it AND HEAR it and still REMEMBER it afterwards so when dealing with emergency situations such as this please keep this in mind when doing things. It will 100% affect me in the long run. So if CPR IS 100% NECESSARY IN THAT MOMENT DO IT!!! Because it will help me positively.
You Are Going To HAVE To Talk Me INTO Things 
If making me feel better is going to influence me taking my epi than please do that. Right now positively impacting my health would be to take epi because I know this. But long term I know that it's not. So please do talk me into things if you think it's necessary no matter how closely you're trying to positively impact me.
I Can't Describe Things To You 
Medically, I know the right words to describe things to you that you understand what's going on to me. Mentally, I have ZERO clue. So when I tell you I have the most severe chest pain I've ever had in my entire life. I know that that is going to get me admitted into the ER. Mentally, I can't describe what that feels like except for where and how much. If you were to ask me where I'll tell you and how much I'll tell you on the pain scale a ten. But mentally you doing know that that means my throat is also extremely itchy and swollen, I'm constantly burping because I'm nauseous, My chest pain is so severe, I can hear, I can talk, I can breathe but I'm still I am unconscious. I can't explain that to anyone and I wish I could. Which is why for so long so many medical professionals have thought I was FAKING being passed out.
Knowing these things I have been surviving for so long I am scared to go to sleep and it is affecting my day to day life. So PLEASE next time you think something emergent is happening like the fact that I am itchy or I tell you I have another life threatening symptom please tell me hey Elizabeth do you feel like you're in anaphylaxis right now. And I say yes please DO something about it and try to talk me through it. Because I may be mad at you for asking when it happens but PLEASE know I will not be mad at you for it later.
But still. Even after saying this I may only need xanex and be 100% FINE living normal life. So when all of these emergency things ARE happening please be the smart one of the situation and say hey maybe all she needs is anxiety medication at a high dose and be fine. With my health I am toeing such a thin flexibly placed line that it is both POSITIVELY AND NEGATIVELY affected my life. And because of this please remember these things when I am struggling symptom wise and look fine and every last medical professional is telling you it's just anxiety because my reality is it probably is JUST anxiety and I am  "over reacting".
I am just now figuring this out. I am struggling so much so physically that no one has pointed it out for days and for the first time I am realizing holy shit. Right now if I were in the hospital maintaining this kind of homeostasis for so long medically I WOULD without a doubt be dead right now because they would be doing CPR on me right now.
I know that freaks everyone out and that makes you scared to be with me alone. Trust me. I get that I am scared to be with me alone to the point I just choose not to sleep because I'm scared. I'm realizing that so much right now that I am contemplating if I were this aware all the time I would be in the hospital in 15 minutes. And that scares me. So if I ever ask you to drive somewhere please know medically I can. Mentally I don't know how I could even survive to get there. Which is how I'm trying to judge getting to places. And that's not fair to anyone. So know if we don't hang out or I bail on plans it's not because I can. Because I can go to work, I can go to Nebraska, I can drive, and cook. But right now I don't think that I will be able to. And that's okay.
Sorry this was such a long one. But thanks for sticking around! I appreciate it. If you ever have any questions on best to help me please ask me. I love educating people about what's going on in my life. But I never call or respond and that's just because I can't.

With Love,
Elizabeth <3
Jonah 2:1

My Half Dead Night

     This is what conversion disorder looks like. It creeps up on you when you least expect it. For me, last night it started while I was being productive. While I was getting things done and up and about. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Like being ran over by a truck and then that same truck backs over you again and again. I had to sit down because I was nauseous and the world was spinning. I had to rush to the bathroom because I had to get sick. Laying on the bathroom tile was my only option for a while... And then the chills set in. I couldn't get warm. I had my bed heater turned on in pajama pants and a sweatshirt and I still couldn't get warm. That's when I decided to check my temperature. 102*. Do you know how sucky it is to go from productive and standing to dead and unable to move because everything hurts so much? I took off my layers and sprawled out on the couch. A heating pad on my stomach to help with the nausea and cramping, and an ice pack on my forehead and back of the neck for the fever. I was officially down for the count. What's even more sucky is I can't take anything for the fever because everything I would normally take lowers potassium. So I can only take those things in extreme emergencies, which unfortunately was not last night. I settled in on the couch for some        Gilmore Girls watching. After about an hour I decided to check my temperature again... 103.2*. That's the highest it's ever been. One more ice pack for my lower back. 

      I was cringing in pain from the stomach cramping, Trying to hold the floor in one place because it was spinning so much. And no, I was not drunk. I hadn't even been drinking. And so the story goes. For four more hours at least. Half running to the bathroom to get sick and then crawling back to my place on the couch. Over and over again. Normally if I just lay still everything goes away, if I sleep a little bit my brain resets itself. Not last night. 

     I finally decided to take a xanex. You know the medication that calms down the brain. I took .5mg and crawled back to my spot on the couch. It must have worked. See, conversion disorder is when my brain gets so stressed and worked up that it doesn't know how to handle itself so it just gives up and my psychological stress becomes a physical reaction. The chill pill must've worked like it's supposed to. Because a little less than an hour later I finally passed out asleep. The magic of sleep. 

     I woke up around 4 in the morning to a random thunderstorm. I checked my temp again and it had broken and come back down to 99*. I can live with 99 degrees. I got a cool towel to put back on the back of my neck and crawled into bed. My delightful spot in bed. 

     And that's how my life works. I can taken out by this weird medical anomaly for a few hours and I back to normal the next morning. I have a lingering headache but I think that's just because in the midst of being half dead I didn't eat anything. But I am still alive. This my friends is life. I made it through last night you can make it through today. 

With Love, 

Elizabeth 

*Check out my vlog from last night on youtube. You can click on it here.