The Silent Reactions

     So by now most of my friends and family have come to terms with my mast cell diagnosis. If you haven't heard of it, it's where my mast cells can't control themselves and constantly release far to much histamine into my body. My body is basically in a constant allergic reaction. When most people think of my allergic reactions they think about anaphylaxis. Unfortunately; with this current flare that's a daily thing. You can hear my breathing from down the hall, I turn extremely flush, my body feels like it's on fire and itchy all over the place. I don't joke around when I say I can feel my airway tightening. These are the scary reactions. These are the reactions everyone is on high alert for, they are life threatening and hit me quick often with very little warning. But these anaphylactic reactions are only half of my battle. In between those are smaller reactions.. the internal ones. They are the reactions I can fake a smile through and pretend like my body isn't revolting against itself. There's a fix for anaphylaxis, it's not a fan fix by any means, but a breathing treatment and epinephrine will fix anaphylaxis. There isn't usually a fix for the silent reactions; just time. I want to shed some light on my silent battles. So without further adu; here is what's going on inside my body. 

  I accidentally ate some sausage that was cross contaminated with cinnamon french toast. Thankfully I noticed after just a few bites that something was off and immediately stopped eating it. We were able to give IV benadryl quickly which put a stop to the breathing issues before they really ramped up (although they were coming). But unfortunately; benadryl didn't help the extreme abdominal cramping that came the following hours. I have a pretty high pain tolerance but these cramps had me in tears. It felt like there was someone taking my stomach and trying their very best to rip it in half. All I could do was curl up in the tightest little ball with a cozy blanket and wait. I think it was somewhere around hour two the tearing pain finally let up and I was able to move again. 

     On this particular sunny day I decided it would be a delightful idea to take three kids to a park. It was a great idea, they had tons of fun and were able to run off all of their tiny human energy. It was really hot that day but that didn't stop us. We piled in the car illprepared with only two water bottles for four people and we took off. It really wasn't that bad, we refilled the water bottles as needed and the heat didn't stop the kids. But the pollen.... oh the pollen. I didn't look at the pollen count that morning like I usually do. I didn't take extra benadryl before we left to make sure that I was prepared for the pollen. I sat under the trees in the shade while those kids ran their little hearts out praying that my splitting headache would go away. The pollen had given me a complete and total migraine. My headache was easily an 7.5 on the pain scale. I could see the black floaty dots I see with migraines and I was incredibly nauseous. I tried taking a rescue benadryl while we were there to see if maybe that would help... but it was to late. Once a migraine of that magnitude sets in you just have to ride it out. Thankfully; the trip to the park was relatively short lived as it was really hot. We were able to go get slurpees and I was able to go take a nap and let my head recover. 

     

 The itchies. These have got to be my least favorite of all of my internal/silent reactions. This one is mostly triggered by perfumes and scented things like those damn cinnamon pinecones that are everywhere right now. But I digress. I am extremely sensitive to smells. They usually don't trigger a full blown anaphylactic reaction but they do make my whole face itch. Especially my nose. I have walked passed people on several occasions and for hours after my nose will itch. There is no amount of benadryl and nasal spray concoction that will get rid of the itchiness either. The itchy feeling is usually pretty contained to my nose but occasionally I will get the feeling that goes down the back of my throat. I have to be really careful when I start to get the itchy feeling in the back of my throat as that's usually the first sign I have of an impending anaphylactic reaction. Just like the rest of my smaller reactions I have to let this one run its course. I do my best at not scratching my nose but I usually end up looking like Rudolph before long because I've been itching my nose so much. 

     The last internal reaction I usually get is nausea. I don't usually get sick with this one just the feeling of being eternally stuck on a ship that will never find calm waters again. I've never been sea sick... I've never really been on a sea either, but my nausea reactions are what I imagine sea sickness to be like. My legs are extremely wobelly. I don't trust myself to stand when this is at it's worst. The room might spin just enough to make me want to get sick and my stomach twists into a million knots. I usually try to tell myself "if I just eat a few crackers it will settle my stomach..." it won't, but I try anyways. I usually can't find a trigger to this one. It doesn't come after eating and it doesn't stay much longer than 45 minutes to an hour maybe. But that hour laying on the floor trying to keep everything down is miserable. 

     Well, there you have it. Having an invisible illness is hard. I want to tell people what's going on inside my body so that you understand I'm struggling. I'm not canceling plans because I don't want to hang out with you, I'm not trying to be recluse and lay in bed all day. It's just sometimes I can look so normal and healthy but on the inside my body is literally trying it's very best to ruin my life. I would take any one of these reactions over anaphylaxis because they aren't life and death.. their treatment isn't time sensitive. But that doesn't mean they don't suck. If I had a choice I would choose no reactions ever. But that's just not the case. So for now, until my mast cells can get their shit together I'm stuck with this. I'm going to smile through every silent reaction and I'm going to fight through every episode of anaphylaxis because why live life if you're not going to do it smiling? 

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." -Romans 12:12

With Love,

Elizabeth <3