Asking For Help?

     Friends... I was hoping today would be the day that I could write my first completely upbeat post. But alas, today is not our day. Last night I ended up staying at my boyfriend's house. *awww, I know right* He wasn't home when I got there so I fell asleep in his bed. I don't know what time he got home but I woke up around 2:30 in tears. Sobbing. Uncontrollable ugly cry sobbing. My boyfriend didn't wake up right away but he half asleep wrapped his arms around my waist. A few seconds later he fully woke up and pulled me back into his arms as I was struggling to get out of bed so he could go back to sleep. He asked me what's wrong and it took me a minute to be able to tell him. I couldn't save that little girl from the accident a few weeks ago. And I have woken up almost every night in tears.
      My wonderful boyfriend suggested maybe I go home for a few weeks. Maybe I need to be with family for a longer period of time to help me work things out mentally. To get me in a better place. I agreed with him. I called my mom this morning to talk to her about it. It didn't go well. She told me that running from my problems isn't the answer and that if I can't handle calls like these than maybe I shouldn't be in EMS.
     I don't think anybody realizes how far down the rabbit hole I've fallen. I'm trying my very hardest to get better and be the best I could be, but it's just not working. I don't know what to do for myself anymore. I was always told never to feel ashamed for asking for help, but here I am struggling because I did just that.
     I'll get through this. I'll figure it out. We all will.

With Love,
Elizabeth