Learning To Live With The Whispers

"For the spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and discipline."

-2 Timothy 1:7

     I am still learning to live life differently than everyone else. I'm still learning to live with the stares of people walking by and the whispers of people gathered in the corner watching me closely while I am trying to change my bag of benadryl out to a new one. This involves pushing saline and heprin through my lines and leading a line through my arm hole and down my shirt so it is out of the way. But people just see me drawing up "drugs" and reaching up my shirt. It's not the easiest thing to explain to people. 

     I went to my church's super bowl party this weekend. I was extremely nervous to go because I am still new and don't know a lot of people, and what if I have a reaction to the food, or what if Melvin the IV pump freaks out. But I mustered up the courage and I went for it. Unfortunately right in the middle of it was a scheduled bag change. I walked out in the lobby and found myself a seat on an empty couch and started the process. No one came over and asked me questions but I can hear them whispering close by and their darting glances when I make eye contact with them. It took ten minutes, a little longer than usual because I was distracted. I only have 15 minutes until Justin Timberlake's half time performance and I was NOT about to miss that. 

     I finished priming the tubing and started the infusion threading the tubing through my backpack and connecting it to the line under my shirt (nothing was showing the line reaches to about my belly button). I cleaned up my mess and shut my backpack walking past the staring group. I rejoined the people I knew at our table and swooned over Justin while questioning his wardrobe choice. 

     It's days like these when I realize my life is not normal. My day to day activities aren't what people are used to. I had fun at the party and would go again 100%. I just have to remember MCAS, POTS and Melvin the IV pump are always going to tag along with me. What did you do for Super Bowl Sunday? 

With Love, 

Elizabeth <3