What I Wish I Could Tell You

   * This post is something I have been struggling with lately. I'm sure this is something a lot of people with chronic illness struggle with as well but these are based on my experiences and everyone's experience may be different. If you have anything you would like to add let me know! We're a stronger community when we build each other up and share though and ideas.*

Hi friends! I decided to make this list because I'm not good at sharing what I'm thinking aloud. This is a list of things I wish I could tell my boyfriend. I haven't shared these with him directly because it's a lot to talk about and once again I'm better at putting my words onto pages instead of sharing them out loud. So here's my list!

*We started dating before I was seriously sick. You were kind of pulled into this out of the blue and the fact that you've stuck around this long means so much to me.
*There are very few days when I feel well enough to go out or be social. Please be patient with me when we have plans and all I can manage is sitting on the couch watching movies with you.
*It takes so much energy to get ready everyday let alone get prettied up to go out. If you come over on a non date night and I'm in sweats with my hair up in a bun please don't be offended. I want to look good for you but sometimes I just can't.
*I know I sound needy often, and trust me when I say I try not to be, but sometimes I just want to talk about life and you're the only person I can think to text. Sometimes just asking how I'm feeling that day makes me feel special and thought about.
*I know I can't just rely on you. That's a lot of pressure to put on someone. I try not to only rely on you, I try to find support in other people too. I'm sorry if you still feel like I'm only turning to you. You're still someone who makes me feel safe and like everything is going to be okay.
*I wish you would just ask me questions. If you have a question about what's going on with me health wise ask, if you want to know why I canceled plans, or if you haven't heard from me in three days and want to make sure I'm still alive just ask me. I'm not good at volunteering information. I am better at explaining things as it is asked.
*Just by being someone I can talk to you already help me so much.
*I would really really love it if when you know I'm having a shitty day and you have extra time if you just ask if there's anything you can do to help. There are some days when walking from my bed to the couch is enough to start planning my funeral let alone trying to figure out how to feed myself. Even if you don't have time to hang around dropping off food so I at least don't starve from salvation is enough for me to never be able to thank you enough.
*Please tell me if I'm being to needy or clingy. It's hard for me to keep myself in check and sometimes I don't notice I'm to in your face.
*I'm still Elizabeth, the joyful, delightful, fun human being I was when we first met. It's just masked sometimes. I try to bring her out as much as I can!
*The biggest one I want you to know is you always have an out. We're dating and my health is a lot to spring on someone and expect them to just be okay with. So I want you to know that if it gets to much to handle you have an out. You can tell me that all of this is to much handle and walk away. No harm, no foul. It will suck on my end but I would completely understand.100% I would not hold a grudge against you for walking away. I hope and pray that you don't, that you stick with me through all of this the good and the bad times, but I understand if you can't. But, just a heads up, if you do take the out I may be keeping the shorts I may or may not have stolen. Mostly because they're comfy as hell.
*There's a lot more that I want to add to the list but this is it for now. Thank you for sticking with me this far and putting up with the sick Elizabeth. It may not get better but, I will learn how to cope with it better. Better days are to come and I hope you're apart of them.

With Love,
Elizabeth <3