Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Controlling Anxious Thoughts


     Tonight I am letting my thoughts consume me. I try to not let this happen but there are times when I can't control it. And tonight, is one of those nights. Last Friday I was officially diagnosed with POTS, today I was diagnosed with plausible mastocytosis, and at this point I'm scared to find out what tomorrow will hold. One of my cardinal rules is to not google things until I am officially diagnosed and the doctor has already given me an overview as well as a treatment plan... I have been breaking that rule a lot lately and honestly, I think that's where a lot of my anxiety is coming from.
     I looked mastocytosis up online after the allergist called me today and put me on medication for it because he is 90% sure that I will test positive for it, and he doesn't want to waste valuable treatment time. We think this is what is causing my random anaphylaxis as we can't link it to one specific thing. There is no cure for this, I stumbled upon an article that says the average life expectancy after diagnosis is approximately four years. FOUR! I have since read more and talked myself off that ledge. A lot of the complications from this that I have found is people don't know what to do during the anaphylaxis part. I can handle the anaphylaxis part, it scares the shit out of me, but it's nothing I'm not equipped to handle.
     It's nights like these, when I am so consumed by terrifying thoughts that I can't calm down, that I have to solely rely on my Christ. I should always solely rely on him, but I strongly believe that he put medical professionals and medication on this Earth to help, but tonight is not a night that either of those are necessary. Tonight is a night when only he is needed. When the only comfort and solace I will find is his ever loving arms. I know that this will be a long and difficcult uphill battle and at this moment in time things are looking incredibly dim, but friends, I will make it through this. You will make it through what ever it is you are seeking solace from. We will make it through.
"Come to me all who weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" Matthew 11:28

With Love,
Elizabeth <3

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